Portmanteau anyone?

Can't believe it's Tuesday already and I haven't posted the latest email from my brother. I must admit though I actually had a life (albeit it shortlived) as I went to the finals of BGT (still to blog about that) and then had a terrible gallbladder attack which laid me low until now.

This is a particularly thought provoking post from Mark this week and one we can all join in with!


Hi Fay

Don’t know if you’re going read this one on Saturday because as I understand it you’re off to Britain’s Got Talent Final. Wooooo! Not being in Britain anymore we don’t follow Britain’s Got Talent but we totally did when we lived there. Mainly it was to laugh at the crap acts and to guffaw at Ant & Dec’s piss taking but hopefully there’ll be some top quality stuff to see.

Obviously there must be at the final, I bet it’s wall to wall Susan Boyles, precocious child stars and novelty juggling acts. Just remember to do your standing ovation when the chorus to Boyzone’s No Matter What comes on. Or do they add that music in post production? Anyway hope you enjoy it.

So you’ve finally got a letter of referral from the oncology department. I bet you’ve got some mixed emotions, somewhere between relief and annoyance. Reloyance. Or maybe annoyief. I love to make a portmanteau out of two conflicting emotions, it’s a new hobby of mine mainly because I can’t do real life proper hobbies until a one and a half year old toddler is okay with me doing more than moving into the next room without him. During waking hours the kids take up most of my physical time but what goes on in my head is off limits to everyone except me.

So in between thinking up zombie apocalypse survival plans and pondering time travel paradoxes if I were to travel back to the Triassic period and eat a lot of sea food, I now like to come up with new words for mixed emotions. I’d like to share with you a few so that you may come up with some of your own…

Sool – Both “sad” and “cool” at the same time. The other day while playing with Sam I punted a beach ball up in the air, back heeled it without looking, knocked it back up in the air with my knee, headed it towards Sam, it bounced off his head and I caught it with one hand. This was both “cool” (because of the combinations of movements) and “sad” (because it was done with a beach ball and a toddler). Sool. Where being cool and sad cancel each other out.

Annoogle - a mix of “annoyance” and “Google”. In New Zealand the substance known as flint (a hard, sedimentary cryptocrystalline form of the mineral quartz categorised as a variety of chert) does not form naturally. I was looking for sources of flint because I have a fire lighting steel which traditionally needs a piece of flint to strike it to produce sparks. Annoogle happened because so many basic everyday words for basic everyday things that meant only one goddamn thing a hundred years ago "flint" has been appropriated by dickwad manufacturers and small businesses. Do a search for “where can I get flint” and I’ve got search answers for all kinds of crap that don’t have anything to do with real honest to goodness stone. If it’s an old timey piece of kit like a touchstone for example (a stone used in the assaying of precious metals) the name has been appropriated by some company or other that has nothing to do with the original and they’ve gone and shat their name all over the internet like it’s a dirty protest or something. This leads to annoogle.

Refunny – a mixture of “relief” and “funny”. This is best summed up by watching a toddler fight sleep. You’re relieved that the said toddler is finally going to sleep but also find it funny watching them as their eyes close, open, lose focus, close, open, close and generally fight Mr Sandman to two falls, two submissions or one knockout.

Empeally? - a mix of “empathy” and “really?” I totally empathise with why someone would want to drive 30km/h below the speed limit on a dry straight road because they’re probably not in a hurry and really want to get good milage on their Nissan Tiida Latio but “really?”. If you’ve got a clear road ahead of you but your rear view mirror shows more vehicles following you than Martin "Rubber Duck" Penwald then it’s time to pull that shit over and let everyone else get to where they need to go.

Next week I’m thinking of sharing some brand new words that I’ve created by portmanteausising swear words. Funt for example. Actually that’s all I’ve got.

Take care, love,

Mark xxxx


Am sure we can come up with some more, sholloxed when the you know what hits the fan and bounced off into you lap to hit your Jedwards

Come on, that one is pretty terrible, am sure you've got better ones than that!

And as always Mark

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