It's 3 o'clock in the morning.
I can't sleep
I've just been out to buy some chocolate milk, no idea why, I just fancied it. Very proud of myself for getting out of the house without waking MrC and even Fritz kept quiet (Although I was a little concerned when his tail wagging was banging up against the door!)
I tiptoed out of the bedroom with trackie bottoms (classy) and trainers in hand. Slipped the tracky's on over my pj's, big coat on (to hide the fact I'm wearing no bra) and I'm off.
I don't do supermarkets at silly o'clock very often, but my god it was weird. Loads of staff milling around filling the shelves, whizzing around on trolley things cleaning the floors. It was definitely 'staff are king, long live the king' as I had to dodge out of the way of them instead of the other way around. Mind you they did outnumber the customers in store......by a lot!
Grabbed a bottle of creamy banoffee pie milkshake (which I would recommend if you see it on the shelf, very creamy) and a bag of giant buttons (as an after thought) and out was out of there and back home in 15 minutes flat. It would have been sooner, but I came upon a herd (yes a herd!) of deer as I drove back. There were at least 20 deer milling across the road as I came out of the car park. I'm not sure who the most surprised, me or them. They darted off pretty quickly, but it was an amazing sight.
But this is all fluff and small talk, I know why I can't sleep. Today (as in Tuesday) I'm seeing the consultant for the biopsy results for #Ted the Tumour aka the nasty 90% chance cancerous tumour on my right kidney.
It's been an incredibly stressful few days leading up to this and I've really been worrying about it. But I've finally realised, its no big deal.
The best thing he can tell me is, 'it wasn't cancer'
The next best is 'it was cancer, its now gone and we will monitor you for the next five years'
The next best best thing is 'it was cancer, its now gone but we want to give you some treatment like chemo to make sure we got it all'
That's it. So what?
What have I got to worry about? The worse case scenario means it will take me a little longer to get back to work, so what? More time to get better acquainted with my hobbies. Yes okay, I may lose my hair. I've a haircut booked for the weekend, if I'm going to lose, I might as well be brave and change what I've got (My hair style hasn't really changed since I was 18. Sad but true fact) So what?
So I thought, as I was awake, I'd drunk my milk and eaten some of the buttons (who am I kidding, I've finished the whole packet) I'd share with you my 'so what' moment
So after that epiphany I'm back to bed (although I do feel a little sick now) with Pink's track ear worming into my brain!
Can you think of any other 'so what' statements I can add to my list? And also help me figure out who sang the lyric in my post title, its doing my head in!?