Today's a Good Day

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I've been preparing for this meeting for a little while now and entered the room thinking I would be taking a step back and watching from the sidelines, playing catch up and working out where I fit. Eight months away can do that to you. It saps your confidence, your ability to cope with stress, to juggle. I was expecting to be tired, to struggling with getting back into a routine. I wasn't expecting to feel like a shell, like a black and white version of myself, a lower resolution image. I've been playing catch-up, never quite in control, reactive not pro-active.  'They' don't tell you that.

I got into the room, some faces I knew, most I didn't. So I listened, nodded, made the right noises and then suddenly something clicked. I answered a question. My confidence grew, I heard myself taking part, asking questions, clarifying, contributing to the debate. I surprised myself. Not only did I actually sound like I knew what I was talking about, but I also felt it. No faking it, this was me, all me.

I came up with a suggestion. Now those people were nodding in agreement with me, a role reversal. People who've been part of this project for longer than me, eight months longer than me. A senior manager picked it up, liked it. As a group we explored it more. I expanded on the idea, described how I saw it working. It looked good, it felt right and it's now going to happen.

So today was a good day. Today was a brilliant day. Today is the first of many. The day I found My Voice.

My Reason To Be Cheerful