Scanitus

(Verb) the feeling of trepidation or anxiety preceding either attending a scan appointment and/or follow up result consultation

Sometimes it's also accompanied by 'a feeling of vagueness', 'mind wandering' into 'what if's and maybe's', 'sweaty palms' , 'sleeplessness' and 'jelly belly visiting toilet multiple times itus'

Sound familiar? I've got it, well and truly.

If you've ever had to go for tests and then waited for the results, you'll know exactly what what I'm talking about. And if you've battled cancer, it's all too familiar. Every consultation, every blood test, every x-ray or scan, you're hoping for the best news, but secretly preparing for bad.

I get my results on Wednesday, one year down on the drug trial, (2 more to go) one year all clear, I'm sure (I hope)

But until then, if you should see me walking briskly in the direction of the lavatory, please excuse my rudeness.......and get out of the way!

Posted with Blogsy

Meal Planning Monday 10th June

Meal planning today and linking up with At Home with Mrs M. I've loved drawing up my plan this week, tried to think of the yummiest food, something to tempt me, but would still be simple to cook

Chicken breast, bacon, broccoli and barbecue sauce (2 syns)
Jamie Oliver pasta (2 syns)
Chickpea rice and chicken (syn free)
Wedges, quorn sausages, beans (syn free)
Slow cooked beef, roast potato and vegetables (syn free)
Something quick and easy, maybe a fridge frittata

I've become a bit obsessed with using dried beans, but they go with nearly everything! I've discovered so far, if you'd use minced beef, you can substitute a mix of beans and it still tastes fab! It means I'm eating less red meat, less fat and increasing my fibre. The only thing it doesn't work with is a homemade beef burger, but then the clue is in the name.

I've felt reasonable well this week, plus I made sure to have yogurt after my main meal, which seemed to stop sugar cravings in the evenings, which will have helped with a 4lb loss.

Cue .........** little happy dance **

I'd like to say, long may it continue, however if it doesn't, can you guys remind me to not beat myself up? It's more important to be happy and eat well most of the time, than unhappy and upset with myself when I don't.
Don't forget, I'd still like to know what you've been getting upto, and have planned.

Happy eating!

(Check out the other plans over at Mrs M's!!)

Posted with Blogsy

Meal Planning Monday - another week, the same meals

It's Meal Planning Monday with At Home with Mrs M, and it comes around so fast! I've really not put too much thought into this weeks meal plan, I've been a bit lazy to be honest and fallen back onto firm favourites and things I've got already prepared in the freezer.

I've also been to Slimming World weigh in, but asked not to be told the damage! Not sure why I've done that, I know I've put on because I haven't been following the plan, but eaten what I fancied, full fat stuff and all. But I'm not quite prepared mentally to accept the numbers. I'm going to think on this and maybe write about it later.

Onto the menu for this week

Pork chop, veg and turnip mash

Mixed bean chilli and rice

Soup and bread (think its butternut squash from the freezer)

Minced beef hash ( made it last week and froze it )

Cottage pie ( again made last week and frozen )

Slimming world chips and egg

I've only planned 6 days, ran out of inspiration, but my freezer is packed, so I won't starve!

Talking of the freezer, I must get better at labelling when I batch cook. It can sometimes be a bit of a lucky dip when I go investigating. Not a bad thing, but would make life easier when I send other people in to get stuff for me!

And before I forget, thank you to everyone in group who witnessed my mini meltdown last week. I'm fine, better than I was, but still wobbly. But like I read somewhere, wobbly can be a fun place to be too, it changes your perspective, literally and figuratively.

What've you got planned this week? Something I can pinch???Do tell!

Meal Planning Monday w/c 27th May

Bit late writing and linking up with Mrs M, but was having a bit of a melt down today following weigh-in. After a guilt free Chinese taking away, I'm back up and running and ready to go.

This weeks menu

Slimming world beef hash

Baked potato beans and cheese

Cottage pie

Mixed bean casserole

Mushroom risotto

Roast chicken and the trimmings

So lets see if I can reverse the trend and post a loss next week!

 

Posted with Blogsy

'If you want to see a rainbow, you have to learn to feel the rain' Paulo Coelho

Today I weighed in and cried in group (sorry everyone who witnessed my mini meltdown) I don't know what came over me, I can normally see the brighter side of life, the bigger picture and all those other cliches. But I was tipped over putting on 1.5 pounds.

But I wasn't really upset about that. It wasn't a shock, I've been teetering on the edge for a while now. I'd weighed myself when I got up, so knew it wasn't going to be pretty. Plus the carton of magnum ice cream I'd eaten Friday night, or the jam sandwiches I craved and then caved into on Saturday ( you getting the picture?) won't have helped.  

The simple fact is, I comfort eat. When things go wrong, when I want to cheer myself up, when I want to give myself a little food cuddle, chocolate (or cakes or biscuits) are always there as a pick me up. But I'm also usually disciplined enough to plan these little treats. The yumminess as the chocolate melts in my mouth and covers my tongue in velvety sweetness. The comforting repetitive action (always a whole packet!) of dunking biscuits into a piping hot cup of tea, which never fails to take me back to visits with my Nan who owned a bottomless biscuit barrel 

But at the moment my grasp on that discipline is slipping. 

I can cope with the sore feet, the crushing fatigue. I ignore the hair loss, (I understand from my daughter people pay a lot of money at beauty salons waxing to lose hair there, which i get for free!) I push to the back of mind that cancer might come back and remind myself I'm on the drug trial to give myself the best chance of that, and help others in the future at the same time. It's hard, but I put on the scarf, plaster on the eye make-up and walk with a positive attitude every morning.

Sometimes though its not enough.

And something breaks

This week it was my resolve. My self discipline. And my positivity. 

However in group today, they made me see that all of it, is ok. So what if I want a cake, everyone feels like that sometimes. So what if I've put on this week, I still weighed-in. So what? It's no big deal in the grand scheme of things. I'm still here, not just in group, planning my meals, going to work, doing things.

I'm here, full stop.

The title of this post was on Tracey's t-shirt today. It's so true. Sometimes even rain can look beautiful.

Ps. I've just ordered takeaway!