Been on the Sorce Trial for a year and I could now be swapped onto the placebo. Not sure how I feel about that.
The trial is a double blind study, so the hospital team don't know either until end of the three years or if I get cancer again. If I should become ill my status is checked & I'm offered the drug if I was in the placebo group.
There are three groups, placebo for three years, drug for three years or drug for one year placebo for two. I'm trying to work out my scenario.
Think it's safe to say I'm not taking sugar tablets.
The human mind is an amazing thing and can manifest itself in numerous aches & pains. I know I've developed dreadful headaches & sicknesses when I've had exams for example. I remember feeling poorly before having the contraceptive cap fitted. The thought of lots of internal exams freaked me out. I felt I was coming down with the flu, aches, pain, headace, hot and cold, shivering, but forced myself to go and dragged my aching body to the appointment. Miraculous recovery when the appointment was over and it wasn't as bad as I thought. I practically skipped out of the room. Think that was the first time I realised I was making myself ill.
I'm not sure though my body is clever enough to cause widespread hair-loss on the body with dramatic thinning, bald spots & colour change on my head!
Been bald since September and I'm rather used to rocking a scarf, plastering on the eye make-up, walking with attitude and meeting eye contact with a 'pretend' confident smile. But I've mixed feelings about changing onto the placebo. I'll know pretty soon if I am. Hair will grow back and I'm obsessively checking.
On the one hand I'll feel so much better when I've got my energy back, feet hurt less, I can find out if the nerve damage in my toes is permanent or not, no more grumbly tummies and rushes to the toilet. I can be more me without the crushing fatigue & low spots.
But can't help feeling the lifeline of Sorenfib could be being pulled away, knowing the drug helps lessen the reoccurrence rate.
Suppose though, I can't change the outcome. I'm either on it for another two years or I'm not.
But wonder if I've got the balls to have a purple skinhead if it does start to grow.
Tackle each challenge with strength of purpose and an expectation to succeed
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