And what better way to celebrate my 20,000 tweet but with a blog post!
The news last week of #tedthetumour on my right kidney, was unexpected but deep down I still believed when I saw the consultant, he'd say it was benign. So 90% chance of cancer knocked me for six.
I've spent the 5 days since, feeling very sorry for myself, swinging from hysterical crying and wailing to total bitch mode and the myriad of emotions in between.
But this morning (following a 12 hour sleep, jealous??) and the fact I've managed to secure a Bupa consultant appointment (it's not till next week, but at least I have two avenues now for getting an operation date) I feel my positive mojo is back.
Crying, wailing and generally feeling sorry for myself are useful in 'the moment', however it wasn't helping long term. It was sapping my energy and not accomplishing anything worthwhile. I was acting like a person I didn't want to be, someone I didn't even actually like.
And I'm not being naive, I know the likelihood of it being cancer is high, but I'll worry and focus on that, when I need to.
The Serenity Prayer which I've mentioned in post's before is really helping.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
It's concentrated me onto what's important, and being as calm, centered and positive as possible will help in the long term.