Earlier today, I had a rant on Twitter about my #brokenbum
Rant Alert, just a warning, I am going into rant mode
I have a damaged coccyx and its been like it for over 4 months. It hurts to lie in bed and sit in a chair (my two favourite occupations)
GP today agreed to x-ray as it has been going on for so long and I am getting tired of the pain. Its just getting me down
X-ray makes me feel like we are doing something, but call from hospital and they won't x-ray. There is no point, it won't change anything
even if it is broken, there isn't a lot that can be done! WTF! In this day and age??????
I am really mad and angry, but its undirected. It isn't anyone's faults, its just the way it is. But....I'm still angry & pissed off
I'm in pain and there is fuck all I can do about it.
I'd like to say I'm calming down, but that would be a lie. Telephone consult with GP booked. Hopefully I will more accepting by then.
Today, I've had enough; was the day, the pain wore me down. Today the straw broke my back and not just the camel's. I was upset and annoyed and wanted to blame someone, caught in a cycle of negative emotion, unproductive tears. I'm in pain and discomfort and not being able to brush it off and joke anymore.
Today I couldn't see the bright side. With everything I have dealt with in the last year, with all that I have coped with over the last six years, to be told I couldn't have an x-ray was what sent me over the edge.I felt out of control, weak and vulnerable. I can't sit in a chair, drive the car, lie in my bed without feeling sore, and I'd had enough.
Today was the day I lost it
But, I took some time, time for me to think it through. Time to put things into perspective and time is what is needed. Time for those useless bunch of bones to heal and settle.
My glass half full philosophy started to do its job. At least its only sitting and laying down which hurts! I'm better off than a lot of people!
I took the time to devise a plan, to speak to my GP again as I may be like this for quite a few months yet. Request for stronger painkillers, for him to speak to colleagues and get advice on the next steps. My plan now is to take control of my environment and sort out a new chair at work and at home, to cut down on my discomfort and pain.
Today is the day I decided to stop letting my #brokenbum control me and my emotions. Today I actually found my inner strength and resolve; what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger