Footsie update

Had my appointment yesterday as a whole two weeks had flown by since I was taken off the trial drug for a while (see here for the post) Anyone would think we've had Christmas or something since then.

Well the good news is, the head honcho of the trial and my oncology consultant, doesn't believe the trial is the problem. If it was, I would also be suffering with similar symptoms in my hands. I'm pleased to say I'm not, I think I would find that quite distressing. I can ignore toes, but fingers? Nah, I don't think so.

So, what is it?

Well, regular twitter and Facebook friends and readers of the blog, do you remember the saga of #BrokenBum? You know, the one I whinged about for months to anyone who would listen (and plenty who didn't!) The one I visited my GP about several times and would told it would just get better? Well, it did actually get better, after 15 months, so they were right on that score (although it pains me to say it) However, it might also be the cause of the numbness. As it healed, resulting scar tissue may be pressing on nerves which run through the coccyx, making the tootsies feel like pin wielding fairies having a field day.

Simples! And I may not have been a hypochondriac after all! 

And even better, he's prepared to investigate why, so I'm now waiting for an MRI scan. When asked if I had any metal anywhere I replied with "no, and no homemade prison tattoos either". He laughed, so must be a House fan. Either that or he was just being polite........

Either way, I'm to start back on the drug next week, so happy days. Now all I've got to do it find a way to keep the fairies at bay........

So Long and Thanks for All the Fish

Well, the time has finally come and today is my last working day for Virgin Media. It's been a roller coaster 16 years, with a few lows but lots and lots of highs, whizzy and stomach churning bits, frights, laughs and tears.

I've enjoyed every little bit, learnt a lot about myself and other people (maybe too much about some, you know who you are......!) 

In all that time I've

• Had just 7 managers, which I think is a record (so few!)
• Two office location moves (Exeter and Plymouth)
• 15 desk moves (yes I counted them!)
• 11 episodes of sick leave
• Became an MBTi Practioner
• And a first aider! 
• Have three different site passes
• Took my CTP
• Learnt to use Excel and now love a fabulous spreadsheet
• Made hundreds of friends (maybe one or two enemies but we'll brush over that one......)
• Worked in four different divisions
• Carried out too many induction courses to remember
• Managed two teams
• Grown into a better person
• Had the honour of being a Divisional Voice Representative
• Loved Tap
• Hated Oracle
• Have 736 saved contacts in Outlook
• Had perms, long hairstyles, short hairstyles and lost it altogether (but its growing back now)
• Visited 21 different sites
• Am in heaven writing a process

So its on to pastures new and to find a new roller coaster ride. Job hunting will start in earnest in February (keep your eyes open for the LinkedIn requests!) Am taking some time out to just get plain bored before then.

I would love for you to leave me a comment below, something I can remember you by, to look back on and match up with the memories.

And on that note, I'm leaving you with a process, one I live by, which is why I've been here for as long as I have.

Desk Clearing Dilemna's

Today is all about decisions.

The type of decisions which are up there with which house or car to buy or where to go for your honeymoon.

Today I'm clearing my desk after 16 odd years and deciding what comes home with me. It's hard

It's a given Red, the Chief Values Officer comes home, but does the stuffed Fish! From Throw Your Fish make the journey?

The lovely mouse from Kim in the office makes the cut and so does lego Harrison Ford, but how about the random lego which I play with on conference calls?

Am sure a few post it notes will sneak in, the same with the cellotape, but what about the Project 2000 Bible and chillie plant I've been nurturing since February?

Anyone remember the Business Dreams initiative? Should I take this memento with me or leave it for later generations to admire and wonder?

Mind you, I've found 3 pairs of shoes, two handbags and from memory, a very expensive red leather 'executive' laptop case I bought one year from my bonus, lurking under the desk, long forgotten.

Also long forgotten was the two tins of beans, one of soup, green tea and box of Ready Brek, well past use by dates and there for emergencies. Think they'll find their way into the bin.

But it is hard, there's so many memories built up in what should be inanimate objects.

So if you were clearing out your desk, what objects would you keep, and why?

All Clear With Pin Wielding Fairies......

18 Month All Clear

Fabulous words to hear at my appointment today! Great news, I'm very happy. It even helped when I went to Slimming World weigh in and I'd put on five pounds. Just didn't care, didn't give a flying f*ck. The good news today was, I've had the all clear. Again.

It's not without some reservations.

I'm part of the Sorce Drug Trial (click link for details. In my eyes it's a wonder drug!) which means I get regular check ups and looked after really, really well. I've actually been told to stop taking the drug for a couple of weeks, due to concerns with magnesium and potassium levels (aren't they the two elements which in Chemistry lessons we'd set fire to with glee and bright flames??? No idea what they're needed for in the human body, hope I won't be going up in flames anytime soon....)

But also because of damage in my feet. My toes and balls of my feet are numb, they don't feel like they belong to me. And you'd think being numb, you'd feel no pain and be able to wear those killer heels with no problems. Wrong! Heels are killers, but not in a good way.

And although numb, they hurt as well. It's hard to explain, but imagine the start of pins and needles, combined with frozen toes. And remember how it felt to come inside from throwing snow balls and your hands start to thaw out? They smart a bit as they warm through. It's that. But add onto that  breathe taking cramps. You know the ones, which make you sound like a plumber giving you a quote "Shffffff, that's going to cost you ....'  All of that on bits of your body which don't feel like they belong to you when touched to actually check they aren't on fire, frozen in ice and/or with tiny fairies sticking pins in them.

Did I mention a 'favourite' time for this is 4 in the morning? You getting the picture?

Well, that's my tootsies. Most of the time.

Regularly I walk out of my shoes without realising it. Not so bad in the middle of the hallway. Not recommended in the middle of the High Street.  And it's very annoying climbing into the shower still wearing the socks I couldn't feel! Not a great look

Also had to explain to my Danish Doctor what ' No shit Sherlock' meant when he said I may have some damage, which caused a few giggles. 

Back in two weeks, more blood tests and decisions as to wether the damage is permanent or not and if I can carry on with the drug.

However, that's ok. I got the all clear and that's what matters.

Adieu, adios, so long, even toodle-oo

People take on goodbye's, differently

It's not just the words though

Some don't know what to say or do, prefer to delay or sidestep the encounter altogether.

Others it's all about avoiding direct eye contact, a quick wave maybe, an embarrassed 'see you and good luck', not knowing what to say, eyes downcast and dark.

The next person it's a jaunty slap on the back, 'keep in touch', all smiles and show followed by a quick turn and moving onto the next conversation, brushing off the encounter.

Or the heartfelt, tender touch on the arm or back of the hand, warmth in the eyes, concerned words full of 'Are you ok's', 'We'll miss you'

And then there's the huge hug, full of meaning, arms enveloped around each other, holding, saying it all. The depth of emotion felt, experiences, soft murmurings in your ear, whispered advice, we'll always have this connection, memories, shared experiences.

People do goodbyes differently, they mean different things to different people, but whichever way they're done, they're needed. They offer closure, a small ceremony to acknowledge what has taken place, an ending to enable the move onwards.

I've had lot of goodbyes over the last week and they've all hurt in their own way but I'm ready to move on.

Thank you to everyone who allowed me the privilege of saying goodbye, no matter how it was done.