I've had a busy (medical) week, which is partly why this post is late
Monday was blood tests ready for Tuesday's appointment. Then in the afternoon I saw my counsellor. Friday I got to meet with a lovely nurse from an insurance company who are looking after a claim I'm being assessed for. Quickly followed in the afternoon by another blood test and unexpected appointment for a rather nasty rash I've developed.
All is well though, outcomes were good. I'm better at having needles stuck in me, the trick is watch as it goes in. No nasty surprises, eyes wide open and totally aware. Bit like life! All medics are happy and I've a 7 day course of antibiotics for the rash.
If you missed it, I did the walk I was banging on about and in the process raised over £300 for St Lukes Hospice. It was hard, I was very lonely, but I did it! Feels great, big tick in the box.
The counselling session has helped too, I beat myself up too much. FACT. Everyone I've spoken to says the same, so it must be true :) I'm struggling with this thing called cancer. Operations, pain and treatments are something tangible, something to take on and fight. But the emotional side has knocked me for six.
It would be easy for me to paper over the cracks, put on the brave face and smile for the camera, however I'm frightened it would just be delaying the inevitable. I want to be fixed. I want to be whole. I want things back to normal.
So I'm spending some time to just accept. Sounds simple doesn't it. Take it from me, its harder than actually having my kidney out.